Dedicated to My Soon to Be Ex
I remember the way you made love to me Like I was all you'd ever need Did you change your mind Well I didn't change mine Now here I am trying to make sense of it all We were best friends now we don't even talk You broke my heart Ripped my world apart Didn't you know how much I loved you Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby I gave you everything, every part of me Didn't you feel it when I touched you Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby Baby, tell me Didn't you know how much I loved you I can't get you out of my head I still feel you in this bed Left me all alone You couldn't be more

A Birthmom Blogger
I have not been reading quite a few of my Google alerts for a while because I have had more pressing issues in my life than adoption.  I know that adoption does affect them but I can not give my full concentration on adoption right now.  I believe it was one of my birth mother Google alerts that sent me to read this blogger.She obviously does not like the New Jersey Bill

Adoption, Codependency, and History
I have had to do a great deal of thinking the last few days.  I have been going back and forth between reading Betty Lifton, Alanon books, AA books, and the Bible.  I have been trying to figure out why I do what I do.  It means looking at adoption in an honest open light.  It means looking at my past relationships along with looking at my familial relationships.  It means trying to figure out why I do what I do.  It means figuring out what my pay out is on this whole mess.With adoption, if any of what was said in the conversations with my birth mother are true, I was bred and born into dysfunction.  My birth mother suffered at the hands of her fath

Happy Thanksgiving
Being thankful is often tough for an adoptee.  We are told that we should be grateful that we were not aborted nor dumped in an dumpster.  I am grateful however for many things.  I am grateful that I am alive.  I am grateful for the process of my search even though it was not fruitful at all for me.  It helped me grow as a person and as a woman.  I am thankful for my two daughters and  our three cats.  I am thankful for the family for the help that they have given me and my daughters.  I am thankful for the women's shelter for helping me and my daughters.  I hope that they will help me get my brain straightened out so that I can learn my pow

Just Making It through a Day
Today I woke up a little bit agitated.  I wanted to hit the ground running.  Part of me is unwilling to unpack too much because I hope to have a job and an apartment soon.  Part of me also knows that me and my daughters need a real break.   I want to put as much distance as I can from this ranch as possible but I know that this will also be impossible.  I have to be patience.  Patience is not one of my strongest suits. I do my best to meditate about this issue for all of us.  Its hard when I am so frustrated.  Its hard to calm myself.  A friend had written me telling me that he hoped that we could forgive ourselves and each other.&nb