More Public Humiliation For Edith
A little less than one year ago, I performed for the last time. It was November 26, the day before Thanksgiving, and I knew part way through the gig that this would be the last time I performed on a stage. This as you can imagine was the unkindest cut of all. I don’t think anything has been harder, nor will anything be harder until I’m no longer able to talk, which if you know me is something that I do really well. If there were a competitive talking event in the Olympics I would get the judges’ highest scores for quantity of words, inexhaustibility, and a perfect 10 for creativity.And so as we got closer and closer to Thanksgiving this year I wondered with dread if I coul

How to Piss Off the Fatally Ill
How to talk to someone with ALS: The Do’s and Don’ts1) If someone tells you that they have ALS, do not respond by saying, “You know I’ve been getting these headaches. Do you think I have ALS?” I’m not saying never do this. You may do this if the ALS patient to whom you’re addressing is, let’s say, A FUCKING NEUROSURGEON. You may also say, “You know I’ve been getting these headaches. Do you think I have ALS?” if you’re okay with the response, “No. I don’t think you have ALS. I’m pretty sure you have an inoperable brain tumor.” This will probably not offend you because if you said, “You know I’ve been getting these headaches. Do you think I have

no time to die
Every now and then I wonder what possesses me to take on impossible tasks. I do, after all, have a fatal illness, though you wouldn't know it because I am so good lookin' and I have no fucking time to die. If anyone has earned a break it's me. But the truth is my projects are what keep me going. I live for seeing the inate and ridiculous possibility in something and then making it happen. I love the moment when " what if " is transformed into " it's on! " And so it was with the Always Looking Sexy Calendar. I mean it makes utter sense. Lou Gehrig was dead sexy. If I were alive in his day, the only thing that would stop me from having sex with him would be...a bed full of young W

The Little Mermaid
As you can see from the picture below, I don't have much time before I have to get back into the sea so I'll make this brief: The calendar is coming. The website will be up in a day or two so you can order all of your Christmas and Hanukah presents. If you order 100 or more I'll throw in a bottle of hand lotion. Yeah, I said it.

A Call to Action
Love is not so much a feeling as a call to action. If you and your partner are healthy and prospering don't think you are off the hook. Love is still a call to action. A call to wake up every morning and really, really see the person you love because isn't that the first spark? To be really seen? Love the person in front of you, not the imaginary one you have decided is somehow superior. If your partner is ill, love is a call to action. Love wakes parents up in the middle of the night. It caused a man I know to risk tenure because his mom was sick half way across the country in Cleveland. It invited my friends to discover the bottomless depths of their generosity and comp