Family Planning
As you sit around the table with family and loved ones this Thanksgiving, it’s important to remember what we’re celebrating. We’re celebrating gluttony, one of the seven deadly sins, which appear on the RNC’s purity checklist. Every Thanksgiving I fast most of the day so I can feel entirely justified eating twice my body weight [...]

Pure as the Driven Ho
You know how to get more people to come to your party? Give them a purity test at the door! (Free alcohol and heavy apps is so 2008.) Yes, the Republican party has decided that instead of welcoming moderates, increasing diversity, and reaching out to independents, they’ll just get whiter, older, and more conservative. Some [...]

Facebook Hurts. But You Don’t Have To.
Lately I feel like I should preface every post with “No. Seriously. I’m not making this up. I’m not that good.” Take this headline (please). Depressed Woman Loses Benefits After Facebook Post in Which She Looked Happy Insurance company cuts benefits after woman posts fun pictures to Facebook page. Wait a minute. INSURANCE COMPANIES ARE WATCHING US ON [...]

The Mirror Crack’d
This morning I was pleased to see that Starbucks has brought back its holiday Lard Lattes. Once you’ve had an eggnog latte, it’s hard to go back to the regular off-season ones. They pull the holiday selection way too early in my opinion. I have attempted to order one in January only to hear that [...]

The Wrecking Coup
It’s Friday and it’s raining which means that I’ll try to go home early for a “mental health day” (although HR has repeatedly warned me that I’ve already used up all of mine through 2010) and watch Sarah Palin’s book tour—LIVE! From beautiful Cincinnati!—while drinking Jameson’s with just a splash of coffee. OMG! Of course, [...]