From the Very Beginning

Lesson learnt, but OUCH!!
I have heard theories like this thrown about before and not paid them much heed. Nothing surprises me now though. I spent all of yesterday at work trying to find the smallest excuse to just go home. I didn't want to be there, my head wasn't in the right space, I felt low. I didn't have any particular reason that I could pin this feeling too so I just kept going through the day daydreaming of being in the sanctity of my home, particularly my bed. The thought of burying my head in my pillow curled up under my covers seemed like heaven. At 6am this morning I rolled over in bed and somehow I pulled a muscle in my neck and shoulder. Despite all my plans of visiting people today and r

Happy Birthday Mr President
Happy Birthday Brendon (President of the Kinder parent committee ; ))We hope your day is lovely, we plan on spoiling you lots, you deserve it my love!Thanks for being an amazing dad to your three babiesThanks for being a wonderful husbandThanks for making us breaky every day Thanks for always putting us firstThanks for holding me up when things are horribleThanks for sharing your grief and pain with me so I dont feel so alone and letting me support you tooThanks for being brave and kind and caring and loving. Thanks for being the generous and funny and thoughtful man that you areI lov

A generous spirit
This journey of Baby loss has been a crazy ride. I have lost a few friends along the way but also gained many. I feel like I have my own team of cheerleaders on the sidelines cheering me on, encouraging me, supporting me and sometimes catching me when I fall. One such person, who has been there from the very start, held a party for her boys 4th birthday a couple of weeks ago. It was great fun and a lovely way to finish a spectacular weekend of parties with friends we love.As we were leaving, the kids were very lucky to be given little party bags to take home, they were super excited about that (their second for the weekend!). Our friend then came over to me and gave me a party bag tha

Christmas on my mind
As christmas approaches (only one month today!!) I have been trying to prepare myself for what could be a hard time. I dont mean that I am expecting it to be hard but rather trying to think of ways to make it less so. I am a lover of all things Christmas, I'd like it to stay that way, so I have been trying to think of ways to make it less hard for Brendon and I and just as enjoyable for all those around us. Woah, where to start?Ultimately having Lola here would be the best arrangement possible, but kinda out of reach. The next best thing is to have her here in other ways, to make her a part of what would have been her first Christmas. I have been busy sewing Chrissy decorations for th

A greater purpose, if you will
Do you ever feel like there is something big you have to do but you just havn't figured out what it is yet? I have this feeling in my heart right now. It is so strong I can barely think of anything else. I feel like I am just on the edge of discovering what it is, like it is on the tip of my tongue. D