The Ballet, The Strip Show and The Crazy Twizzler Lady
Today was mother-daughter day and it was wonderful.  We donned our finest clothes and headed out to the ballet.  It was Veruca’s first time; it was my first time.

If I Told You I Bought An Eighty Dollar Turkey, I’d Be Lying
Because I bought a $81.36 turkey.  That’s right, folks, I’m an asshole.  See, once you take all the anti-biotics and animal by-product diets, and GMOs out of your meat supply, you get what I’d like to refer to as a Retail Raping.  The expression “Less is More” is never more true than when you are in the refrigeration section

I’m The Mom Who Uses Duct Tape on Craft Projects
I was in a masochistic mood so I read that blog the other day.  You know the one, the cloth-diapering, organic, made from scratch baby food purveyor. The one whose idea of a “guilty treat” is, like, salsa with blue corn tortilla chips.   The one who cries when her kids go to sleep at night because she misses them so much.  (Oh man, I don’

The Elf is Working His Magic and Veruca is Now Vadario’s Pimp
Listen, I in no way want you to watch seven minutes and 23 seconds of my children.  This website does more than just terrify innocent citizens; it’s a journal of my family’s life.  When I’m dead, the kids should have a fairly accurate account of their childhoods that they can read.  I am sure that they will not be able to tear themselves away from all seven minutes and 23 seconds, but I don’t expect others to watch all that.  Let me summarize:  Kids sing horribly off-key, Veruca is the sole decisionmaker in their relationship, DD could be slightly autistic, and THE ELF IS WORKING!  There are brief glimmers of reciprocal kindness expressed to one anot

The Devil Dog and Veruca Variety Show
I don’t know how to tell you this, but DD and V want to start doing shows.  I’m on my own server now, so bandwidth is no longer an issue.  I’m apologizing ahead of time for what will probably be a near-endless stream of “episodes.” Today is a big and traditional day of baking.  I have the kids so jacked up on just how fun it is going to be making homemade pies, that they’re ready to piss themselves.  Truly, their overworked nervous systems could not handle vacationing in Disney.  I’ll take pictures if I can capture them in the window of my camera’s ability.  They are literally, literally bouncing off t