Glenn Beck Makes Me Want to Drink
My poor mother was dragged, by my father, to a Republican enclave in The Villages (picture Village of the Damned, but with the cast from Cocoon).  It’s a community where everyone drives  golf cart and no one under 18 is allowed to stay longer than 48 hours (or else they harvest your youthful, supple skin to wear as a suit).  My father, the last lone Republitard in the family, is a member of the Mayflower Society, where people research their connection to the original goddamn pilgrims and then feel good about it, for reasons that escape all common decency and moral sense.  They have meetings, consisting of old white guys sitting around and re-imagin

Monday! Jews! Whores!
Yes, Sass-fans, in that order.  I awoke to this bright, crispy Fall morning and began it the RIGHT way — discussing Jews and whoredom.  Because I’m generous, I am going to share it with all of you, my dear loyal readers.  1st:  Luker = Best friend who lives in Brooklyn.  We

Truly Scary Halloween Costumes
Well Sass-fans, it’s that time of year again.  Yes, once more we’ll be confronted with a horde of ever-increasing pudgy children, faces smeared with goo and one hand already on their trusty toilet-paper roll for when you fail to give up the goods (read: MOTHERFUCKING CANDY).  As my crack dealer is always telling me, you can’t have too much of a good thing, so I’m totally behind the acquisition of candy with little regard for human life.  For those of you who don’t keep these printed out for easy reference, here’s my helpful

Fuck Stick: Arts and Crafts Edition
A few days ago, I noticed that someone had jammed a brambly tree limb, its tip thoughtfully wrapped in what appeared to be a used condom, into my neighbor’s mailbox.  Actually, they thrust the prehistoric dildo down the back of the mailbox’s post, so it stood proudly aloft, announcing to the world, perhaps, that this was the house where lumberjacks came for a good old fashioned raping.  And by God, they were going to rape you SAFELY.  Homemade Hi

Making Bad Decisions
We all make them I guess this post is timely in that this weekend is our local college’s Homecoming Game, a festivity that coincides with the local Fair, two new bars opening, and a party that requires local buses to offer transportation.  Now, this being a predominantly white, upper-middle class school, it’s not like Homecoming is going to be as hot a mess as, oh, say, Dollar Beers on Thugged-Out Thursday Night in Compton.  But, you know, there wi