In Brazil, 14 people killed in effort to make a more peaceful 2016 Olympic Games
BRAZIL – Just yesterday, 14 people were gunned down in a concerted effort by the newly instated Brazilian Olypmic Peace Enforcement Group (BOPEG), to eliminate all threats to the Brazilian Olympics. BOPEG was the Brazilian president’s idea:  “Our police system here is as corrupt as Mexico.  We did what the US and Germany have done in the past: create solutions to problems.” Critics aren’t sure if following Hitler’s example is a good way to preserve peace, but declined comment fearing BOPEG’s immediate actions. When asked what the 14 people were accused of, a representative from BOPEG stated, “they exhibited a

Company copyrights “Thanksgiving©” and America trembles in the wake
IOWA – Bigman Runningbull, CEO of the multimillion dollar FeatherBands, Inc. recently signed off on a copyright for the word “Thanksgiving©” and American retailers, television stations and turkey farmers are reeling as they decide whether to pay the fee, or change the advertisements. White House correspondent, Herbert Herschewitz, said that most companies would “just have to pay up” this year, but that “the White House, Congress, and the Senate have already been called to find an appropriate name for the holiday.” Although he wasn’t sure of the final decision, he stated that “Thanksgiving© wasn’t something that f

Researchers believe Pakistani capital Islamabad holds secret meaning
PAKISTAN – Researchers are scouring the ruins around the Middle East looking for clues to the secret meanings hidden in the Pakistani capital’s name, Islamabad. The hypothesis came from a Israeli numerologist, Abraham Mussef.  “As I studied the numbers throughout the Torah, I came across the name of the Pakistani capital city.  This cannot be a coincidence.” Although, no one has been able to trace the origin of Mussef’s find, and he has been unable to recreate the test.  However, it has sparked such an interest that researchers from all around the world have begun searching as well. George Barnes, Professor of Cryptology at Alabama Se

Rise in earthquakes directly linked 2012 film marketing
Investigations into the causes of last month’s earthquakes and tidal waves have led to an important discovery of film marketing. Criminal trial precedings are scheduled for later this month for the misuse of earthquake creation equipment by Toby Emmerich and his marketing team for his new movie. Emmerich is unapologetic, believing that it was necessary for people to see the consequences of not believing in propaganda.  “This is a documentary of sorts, and people need to see it.  It’s easily the most important film since The Day After Tomorrow. That’s why we did it.” The film’s producer stated, in an interview on Monday

Turkey with gun seen holding up convenience store
TENNESSEE – Eyewitness state that a turkey with a gun came into a local 7-11, and held them all at gun point, demanding money from the register. “It was crazy!” One witness recounts, “That turkey was all, ‘Gimme the money!’ and the clerk was like, ‘Whoa! A talkin’ turkey!’ and the turkey was like, ‘Gimme the f****** money!’ and the clerk was all, ‘Chill man, geez, I just never seen no talkin’ turkey a’fore.’” The clerk declined comment of the situation, but the blank, cold stare on his face has police convinced he’s seen a belligerent, talking turkey.  ”All the sign